Lesson 6
We have been observing how X functions, how I functions, how the body functions. Today we are going to start taking up the task that we will be with for a long time, one of the most interesting tasks anyone ever undertook: That of I disidentifying from the self, from the Not-I’s, from John or Mary as the case may be. The word used for disidentifying in olden times was to renounce or to dispose of, in other words, cease owning it. If one renounces the self, one ceases to claim it. To disidentify is to cease to claim, cease to treat the same as I, to renounce it, it is no longer. Another word that was used was to deny. So I deny that John is I. John is a piece of conditioning, a whole group of conditioned things that makes up a personality. Now all personality, all the many I’s or the aspect of self or the conditioning that makes up personality is serving the four dual basic urges which are called, in some literature, “mammon” — the urge to gain pleasure and comfort, to escape all pain, to gain attention, to avoid being ignored or rejected, to gain approval and to escape disapproval, to gain a sense of importance and control over other people, and to escape the sense of inferiority or the inability to control others.
The personality is referred to, in some material, as the Scribes and the Pharisees. That they are intent upon having the favorable attention of men, of gaining their approval for their pious behavior, and believing and doing as they were told by authority the law. Of course, the A side of that situation, the one that wants to complain to get its way, stick up for its rights and blame, was called Gentiles. But all of it makes up the personality and there are two aspects of it and they are at war with each other. There is an enemy within to the enemy within.
Now I neither identifies with the Scribes and Pharisees or the Gentiles; it renounces them both. It disidentifies from them and reports merely what is going on in that thing called personality. It is now serving X, which is its nature. It is the awareness function of X and it is being obedient to its nature to be supplying accurate information to X as to what’s going on. Now the house has been taken over by usurpers and the first chore of I is to observe the usurpers, report them to X, and X will take care of rendering them inoperative or removing them or whatever it does. However, one will notice that when once or twice when something is really observed and reported to X then one doesn’t see that particular Not-I again. Another one will take over and be quite as effective in its effort to serve mammon, but they will be diminishing, everyone one observes.
Before one takes up this disidentifying, which seems like something strange, it’s something different from anything that we have ever done, the first thing one does, of course, is question the purpose of living. As long as we accept, take for granted that the purpose of living is to gain pleasure and escape pain on all levels, to have attention and approval, to have a sense of importance, to be able to control and manipulate other people by whatever means we use, to avoid being ignored or rejected or at least find an excellent justification that says they were pretty stupid if they did that, always avoid disapproval or justify that the person who did the disapproving was picking on me, not seeing clearly etc., and the sense of inferiority, as long as these are identified with, I is hypnotized, is serving mammon because all of them are an effort to keep them. No matter what goes on, it is serving mammon.
So disidentifying is to renounce, deny as being I, the Self. It is to dispose of it and see it as an object. Now as long as we have as the purpose of living to be non-disturbed, that of mammon, we are dependent upon everything that offers it regardless of whether it be communism, whether it be some other ideology, whether it be a person that I gain some pleasure from. If I am dependent upon that pleasure then I am dependent upon that person, then I must guard and watch and “I” will feel jealous if they give attention to anyone else. “I” will be fearful lest “I” lose that source of pleasant attention and there is very apt to be violence. The inner man is in a state of violence as long as I is hypnotized by the Not-I’s and it is asleep. As I stands aside and is the observer, disidentifies, denies the self, renounces the self, and begins to report to X what’s going on in that self, what is happening in that house that was really rightfully his but now is pushed out because they have taken over, then one is reporting to X and is obedient to one’s nature. That is the greatest obedience there is. Without obedience to one’s nature one is identified and being disobedient to one’s nature because one is serving mammon and one is dependent upon every suggestion that offers pleasure and comfort or threatens pain.
Now the things that one renounces, of course, are called riches, possessions. Now let’s talk about, not the house, not the car, not the property and the bank account which all the self does possess and we will leave it possessing those things, but let’s observe that it possesses opinions which it prizes highly and considers that “my opinions are always correct, other people’s are always wrong,” and that “I” must defend these opinions. You have probably observed a considerable amount of violence reported to X, a great emergency and X prepared tremendous amounts of energy to defend a mere opinion that may or may not have any validity whatsoever and no way of checking it out. One’s ideas that one has accumulated here and there are great possessions, great riches to the conditioned self. So I observes John defending opinions, claiming opinions, claiming ideas as “his.” He frequently says somebody stole his idea because somebody else was doing something similar. He feels very mistreated and sticks up for his rights to have sole possession or at least the credit or honor for that idea.
He also claims thoughts, so John says, “My thoughts.” I observe John claiming thoughts and I can observe John’s thoughts. I may not be able to observe anyone else’s but I can observe John’s thoughts because I am assigned to observe this earthling, this self, and I observe those thoughts. I see that A puts up a thought, then B puts up a counter-thought and this is called “thinking.” Basically they are set off by associations — that is pushing a button. John had his face pushed in the Bermuda grass and beat up by a neighbor kid when he was five years old. Today he is allergic to Bermuda grass because every time he goes by the Bermuda he is about to be reminded of that kid who pushed him in the grass. He has a big account against the kid so he begins to cry and sneeze and feel mistreated and it’s said that he is allergic to Bermuda grass.
To observe thoughts is most interesting because they are set off by association, and when it sets off one in an A association, B gets one that counteracts it. The person says, “I’m going to do this,” from A. Then B says, “Yes, but, this might happen if you do that.” And then A begins setting up another idea as it would have another thought and then B says, “Yes, but.” Or B originates an idea that we will do a lot of good and gain a lot of attention by giving a thousand dollars to the Boy Scouts. A says, “Yes, but if you do that we can’t get the boat and we do want the boat.” B says, “Yes, but if we get the boat we won’t be able to give the thousand dollars and somebody might say that we were just showing off.” A says, “But it won’t be showing off, it will be providing something for the family to enjoy and I’m getting it all for the family.” We can listen to the justifications, so I will observe thoughts. The thoughts of A, the thoughts of B, and the resultant contention going on between them until one can overpower the other and talk in the name of I to report to X.
When I is observing this going on their story is intercepted by I. I is now the mediator between self and X. Before, I was hypnotized and the self was speaking in the name of I directly to X. Now I is on the job and is the mediator who screens all the material that the self is rambling around with. So there begins to be an entirely different state of affairs. No longer can the self report directly to X because I has awakened from its hypnotic sleep and arose from among the dead ideas and is now reporting what is going on in the self. It reports what “I” has as a treasure and where “I’s” attention continually is, the false “I.” The false “I,” the self’s attention is all on the treasure of the four dual basic urges. It holds this out as the great treasure and it continually attempts to gain it. It uses every contention to both A and B to get it. The self is ever involved in war and it never gains the non-disturbed state. It’s always a little bit held out in the future.
But as I, the real observer, begins to observe this one realizes that the four dual basic urges are a fallacy, it is an illusion — that the struggle towards that illusion is the disintegrating factor that has brought man to a disintegrated state of fighting jungle wars with each other, to hating each other, to contending constantly and that within there is the battle going on between A and B. His outward world is merely an outward expression, in society, of each individual’s inner state. One sees that while one is identified with the Not-l’s one is bringing about all the things that the Not I’s say they don’t want. They want pleasure and comfort but they’re doing everything possible to bring about dissension. The want attention and they do everything possible to have one ignored. As one observes this one has a complete change in values. We will not start to work on the values yet. I is merely observing the action of the self, all the many Not-I’s, all the bits of conditioning. One is observing personality. As one observes this, this personality becomes rather passive. It is an object being observed. It is a “thing” that is being observed much as one would look through a microscope and observes bacteria on a slide. It is purely an object or a thing.
Now this is the beginning of awareness of self. The beginning of SELF-AWARENESS is the beginning of OBJECTIVE AWARENESS. Now all of our days we have been subject to whatever went on. We saw it as self; “I” was the subject and “how did this affect me?”
Now as I observe the Not-l’s, I observe John. I will observe him building account’s against Mary and against every other person he meets. He will be building accounts against the government, he will be building account’s against someone he hears speaking out in public that is opposed to his ideas that he feels in some way are a threat to him. I will observe John indulging in self-pity because of something that happened long ago and because “I” was mistreated today. Somebody failed to give attention to John. Somebody failed to give him approval when he felt he was entitled to it. He put on a good act, he was a Scribe or a Pharisee but nobody really gave him any great praise for it; he is horribly disappointed.
I observe Mary. I observe Mary being very upset because no one noticed her new dress. Now I doesn’t own a dress and I doesn’t own Mary. I is observing Mary, but Mary owns a dress. Mary has a new dress and it is very lovely according to Mary and possibly to everyone else. But nobody noticed it and nobody gave her a compliment or gave her approval or attention and she is very upset. Now all of this does not get to X anymore because I is observing this.
Mary takes care of the children, “her” children, please. I observe Mary feeling that the children are obligated to her because she fed them and clothed them today. She washed their clothes and they should be obligated to her and do what she wants them to when she wants them to. I might observe Mary making the children feel guilty; it is an excellent means of controlling. If she doesn’t control she feels inferior. If she controls she feels pretty good; she is powerful now, she is important. The children look up to her and feel obligated to her. I may observe Mary making John feel obligated because she cooked a good dinner or because she cleaned up the house very well. If John doesn’t notice these things, woe-be to John.
So I observes the play going on in the bits of conditioning. It is as though one were above a house, looking down into a house that had no roof or a transparent roof and could see all the things going on in that house. Maybe some kids are in the bathroom making a mess. Mother is in the kitchen cooking. Another one is trying to gain some approval somewhere by painting a picture, doing a piece of work or whatever it may be. One I is observing a house full of Not-I’s which about half of them are opposed and trying to undo the intentions of the other half.
One-half is serving mammon by complaining, sticking up for rights and blaming. The other half is trying to serve mammon by trying to please everybody, by believing and doing as they are told by authorities. They quote books and say, “You know this is what you should do” and “This is absolutely necessary.” They try to please mammon, gain mammon and serve mammon by appearing to be different. There is a war going on. This is called conflict. It is called struggle. It is called resistance. I observe these and does not try to stop them but is merely observing and reporting to X what’s going on in this house.
This group of Not-I’s really makes up two nations, the Gentiles and the Jews. The Jews live by the law, please everybody, believe and do as told by authorities and appear to be different. The Gentiles say, “Hang all that; it’s important to have my way right now and the way to get it is to complain.” So I will put on a demonstration in the street. I will put on a protest meeting — which is a form of complaining. I will stick up for my rights to do as I want to by any conceivable sort of violence that may arise. I will be sure and describe what’s to blame. So we’re really observing peoples as well as observing Not-I’s because they really are people.
So we will make a chart of the Not-I’s I have observed in self and we will keep a little running record of them. Now if we forget we will be reminded by news stories of protest meetings, of people sticking up for their rights and for all the blame that you might hear as you watch the news. You will see many people being blamed for everybody else’s difficulty. Somebody will blame someone else for pollution, for higher prices or for inflation. Somebody will blame somebody else for starting a war or not stopping a war. This will be a reminder that such is going on within and maybe that will wake I up. Now we have said that I will take a nap quite often, but every little shock will tend to awaken I and put it back on the job of observing the Not-I’s, the self, John or Mary.
As one observes this one will find there is a cleaning out of the many Not-I’s. I begins to think it’s rather funny that all these Not-I’s are so busy serving an ideal called mammon, the ideal. That instead of experiencing everyday existence and living and of experiencing a more conscious state of being, that unknowingly each and every one is trying to serve an ideal of being non-disturbed — of gaining pleasure, gaining attention, approval and importance, being very upset if they are if ignored or rejected or having any pain or are disapproved of or find it incapable to get everyone to do what they want them to do when they want them to.
So keep a chart; I observed this Not-I doing so and so. This is to keep I awake. The chart being around the house will remind I to get back on the job. I is very weak. It’s been hypnotized since shortly after birth and it has, of course, not developed. It has remained weak and little while the personality has taken over and has become very powerful. As one observe this personality that is serving mammon, one side of it has VANITY, it has a beautiful picture of itself as being very holy, righteous and wonderful, and PRIDE is on the other side defending it. It’s the only place they cooperate. Pride defends vanity; vanity is of B and pride is of A.
So let’s observe pride and vanity. We will also observe this self that when it does gain a little attention, approval or a great pleasure or a great amount approval, no matter how fortunate it would be from someone else’s viewpoint, very quickly the greed makes it want more, better and different. This is the trick of mammon, the four dual basic urges. No matter how much they should receive they are never fully satisfied except for a very few minutes and then the greed says more, better and different. Let’s observe greed, only, in this particular week along with watching the Not-I’s. We’ll see that when there is gratification of the senses, the gratification of the urge to have attention and approval, of the power urge, the sense of importance, that it’s never quite enough; and that very quickly mammon says, “That’s not quite enough. Let’s have more, better, different or let’s have it given for a different reason.” As we observe this we will see many Not-I’s that will not appear again in a few days. Let’s observe then. Lets do not condemn or justify them. We observe and record what Not-I’s I have observed this day and each day we will keep a running list of them. One or two may seem to you that they are the same one, but they are excellent masquerade artists, so one that was attempting to please people may not appear to be gone. The whole mess of pleasers won’t be gone because there are many ways to please and each of them is a separate “I.”
REMEMBER that each piece of conditioning became a separate “I.” So one “I” pleased by smiling, another “I” pleased by waiting on someone, another pleaser “I” pleased by giving compliments, another gave favors of various and sundry kinds. So there are many pleasing Not-I’s. There are many Not-I’s that want to be different. They have many ways of being different; almost everything that one has heard complemented through the ages, a Not-I jumps up and says, “That’s me,” and begins to practice his “I.” There are many authoritative Not-I’s. There are many complaining Not-I’s. There are many belligerent sticking-up-for-rights Not-I’s, and oh what a multitude of blaming Not-I’s there are. We will observe and watch the termites cease to be quite so thick.
Copyright © 1973 by Rhondell. All rights reserved. This material is for an individual student’s personal use; it is not to be duplicated or loaned to another.
